An Exercise In Futility
by Bad Werewolf
Summary: Captain John Hart. The Doctor has heard that name before. Set between The Sound of Drums and Last of the Time Lords. Rated T for mild language and two Time Agent Captains in the same place at the same time.


**Author's Note:** I'm getting a little bit obsessed with the year that the Master ruled the Earth. Anyone who can advise me of any good fics set in that year, lemme know. Ok?

Idea from watching the DVD of _'The Sea Devils'_. The whole part about Captain John Hart having met the Doctor before makes little-to-no-sense unless you see at least that group of episodes. Watching _'Doctor Who and the Silurians'_, as well, couldn't hurt. My _'Warriors of the Deep'_ DVD (from the same box-set) is broken, though, so if anything that'd ruin my plot here happened there I don't know about it, much that I wish I'd been able to watch it.

Title derived from what the Borg say about resistance.

**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine.

**WARNING:** Both Captain Jack Harkness and Captain John Hart are in this story. They end up in the same room. You can safely expect inappropriate banter and one guy-on-guy kiss scene. Don't like, don't read, but for those of you sitting on the fence, the kiss is pure plot and not in any way sappy.

x x x

**An Exercise In Futility**

x x x

Space and time opened to form a doorway for him to step through, and step through he did. He had a mission, and whether he liked it or not this was where it took him.

Earth.

The wind blew hard against him, as it quickly became obvious he'd landed on top of a rather tall building.

"Unauthorised human presence! Identify!"

He turned slowly to see a floating metallic ball in the air behind him. He tilted his head to one side, and then with a lightening draw he shot the offending object with a laser bolt, from a pistol that had been at his side a second ago and even the thing he was shooting at did not see his hand move for it, knocking the helpless whatever-it-was to the concrete ground before him. He walked calmly over to it and knelt next to it.

"What have we here?" he asked, amused. Nothing of this level of technology should be on Earth in this century. He carefully tapped some buttons on the surface of the wicked-looking sphere and it opened up. What he saw within would make most people sick. A human face- maybe the whole head?- surrounded by the blinking lights that his scanner indicated were capable of controlling the sphere it was encased in.

"And just what are you, then?" he asked it.

"We are Toclafane. We see the skys filled with diamonds!" its voice was child-like. Judging by the size of the head it probably was only a child.

"Thanks, 'cause I really wanted _that_ song stuck in my head." the man snarled, before shooting the offending thing again, right through the forehead, killing it outright.

He stood up and examined his wrist-device, "Ooh, fractal paradox. Well that's good. I'd tell my boss to kiss my ass, but he'd not notice." Mission aborted. No need to kill those four specific people now. Let's find a way to mess with these metal things instead, they certainly would be more fun to kill anyway.

x x x

Gwen Cooper sat on the curb, on this cold night, watching. She was always careful to remain within the perception filter, but every night she waited. For Jack to come back? For survivors to roam past that she could bring into the Hub for protection? She'd already brought half a dozen of those in, it always felt like she'd made a difference.

But still, Jack was no where to be found, and while the Hub was large and well stocked she couldn't help every stray. Last week she'd witnessed someone being gunned down by three of those things and known if she'd stepped out to help she'd just have gotten herself killed too.

Speaking of strays, this man walking down the street right now definitely did not look like he belonged.

Napoleonic officer's jacket. Samurai sword. Wild west gunslinger's belt with a high-tech gun instead of the Smith-and-Weston one might expect.

Unique, this one. She stayed perfectly still, and watched as he approached. He was humming... Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds. Somehow that didn't fit any more than his clothing.

He paused a few feet in front of her, and glanced at the wristband he wore. More high-tech. Two Toclafane swooped down towards him from behind. Faster than Gwen could follow, he pulled out that laser gun and shot them both with perfect marksmanship, before returning his gun to its holster and his attention to his wrist-device. A wrist-device that, she suddenly realised, was very similar to Captain Jack's.

Then he carefully looked around and took three more very deliberate steps, putting himself right onto the spot of pavement she occupied. Now he was within the perception filter and he could see her.

"Gwen Cooper?" he asked, grinning.

"You... know who I am?"

"Let's not get too Terminator out in the open. Going down?"

Gwen nodded and commanded the step to descend into the Hub.

"Another stray?" Rys asked, amused, as they reached the bottom of the elevator.

"Hardly, I knew exactly where I was going." the stranger declared, "Honesty might be the best policy here. Makes a change, for me, you understand."

"Yes, so why are you here?" Gwen demanded.

"I was sent to Earth to assassinate some people. You're one of them, actually." he made a vague gesture to Gwen, "Hot Asian over there-" he nodded in Tosh's direction, "-Mr Wears-A-Suit-To-An-Apocalypse-" he indicated Ianto, "-and the pasty one in the corner-" he pointed to Owen, "-are also on the list. But..."

"But what?" Owen demanded, pulling out a nice big gun and aiming it at the intruder.

"Well, we're in the middle of a fractal paradox, so there's no point in my obeying orders right now."

"What's a fractal paradox?" Tosh asked, stepping forward warily. More interested in new knowledge than self-preservation, it seemed.

"Where reality diverges, usually artificial, never met anyone who had actually _made_ one, though. Basically, by entering the paradox at this point, there are now two mes. The one outside the paradox is unaware of its existence, and is probably trying to kill you all right now. The one inside the paradox, this me, right here, cannot be seen- or threatened, blackmailed or otherwise coerced- by my employer, so attempting to fulfil my contract is a bit pointless. Especially as it was all a big load of blackmail to begin with. Besides, those floaty metal things are actually fun to kill."

Gwen idly wondered if Tosh was going into a nerdgasm, but decided not to invent that word right now. "So you're from the future, then?"

"Yes. I used to be a Time Agent. My name is Captain John Hart. On that subject, where _is_ Jack?"

"We don't know." Owen answered, "He's not been seen since before the Toclafane arrived on Earth."

The stranger swore, it must have been a swear, but it wasn't a word familiar to anyone else present, "Well I'll annoy him later. My employer wanted you lot dead to piss Jack off- no, wait- to piss off Jack." he corrected, quite deliberately, "I was happy to see him suffer, but don't see the point in murdering any of you if I'm not getting threatened anymore. Still need to do something to upset him before I leave. It's a matter of principle. Doesn't have to be homicidal. Ok?"

"Oh... kay..." Gwen muttered, edging away from him, as if she wanted to hide behind Rys.

"If he's still alive." one onlooker muttered dismally.

"Jack is definitely still alive." Owen said, as a statement of fact, with not a drop of blind hope anywhere near the sentence.

x x x

"So why here?" Gwen asked, as they stood on the beach looking out to an island.

"About ten years ago- from my perspective... it was in the nineteen-seventies- I was sent on a mission by the Agency, to prevent a flux interference from affecting history." John explained.

"Flux interferance?" Tosh asked.

"It's where time becomes variable, an outside influence affects the time-line, allowing for changes to be made to history. The Agency did it for their own benefit loads of times, but when someone else tried it an agent would be sent to stop them. Hypocritical, but still. This is one of the three locations I was given at risk. This wasn't the one that ended up being affected. The one that was affected had to be blown up."

"So what is it?" Owen asked.

"Out on that island, there. Well, below it. There is a hidden base. Non-human creatures in hibernation." he grinned, "Look a bit like fish-men with turtle-faces wearing fishing nets for clothes."

Gwen stared at him, "What're they doing on Earth?"

"It was their planet first, apparently." John said blandly, "They're really very intelligent, just a bit possessive. But..."

"But what?" Owen asked, "If they want the planet, won't they turn on us, rather than the Toclafane."

"At least humanity evolved here. I'm pretty sure they'll be even more hostile to invaders."

"What's your plan?"

"A truce. The enemy of my enemy, and all that fun stuff."

x x x

Aboard the Valiant, the Master watched a view-screen with glee, as a swarm of Toclafane swept over a group of humans, shooting down at them as they ran for the shelter of a group of caves on the edge of a beach. The Doctor was forced to watch, too.

"Ahoy there, mateys!" a voice echoed through the speakers, whoever it was most probably used a megaphone. The Toclafane with the camera turned and a man became visible, standing on an outcrop of rock near the caves the humans had been fleeing towards, "Bet you can't shoot this many!"

And without warning, beams flew up from the ocean, striking the Toclafane with reasonable aim. Many many beams were fired upwards, and the metallic spheres began to fall from the sky like rain. Or slightly more accurately, like very very big bits of hail.

"Kill him!" the Master ordered, over his communications unit.

"He's not the one doing it." the Doctor said quietly, "He's just announcing it."

"And how would you know?" the Master snarled, turning angrily on the Doctor.

"Don't you recognise him?" the Doctor asked, smiling for the first time in weeks. He wasn't sure exactly how the man in question was present in this time AND looking like he'd barely aged, but the place and the weapons were familiar enough to give him an educated guess as to what was going on.

The Master turned back to his view-screen, commanding, "Zoom in."

The man was wearing a disturbingly non-era-specific arrangement of clothing, and holding aloft a weapon that may have just been a sword, being used to direct the battle like a mounted general, but there was a good chance it could also be something else.

"That one!" he shouted through his megaphone, pointing the sword at the camera, and a beam hit from below, frying the camera-wielding Toclafane.

The Master seethed.

The Doctor looked torn between amusement and mild horror.

"Who is he?!" the Master snarled, turning on the Doctor once more.

"I thought you met him?" the Doctor asked innocently.

The Master did not respond. Instead he turned away, and tried to think whom the Doctor could possibly be talking about.

x x x

Captain John Hart sat in the cave, surrounded by grateful human refugees, Gwen, Owen, Tosh, Ianto, and a couple of dozen sea-Silurians.

The leader of the sea-creatures approached the Captain, and spoke in a hissing whisper, as if its voice could not process air particularly well, "What have you discovered?"

"Communications device." John said, pulling out a few wires and circuits, and the camera, from the Toclafane he had specifically ordered targeted. He handed it to Tosh, without even glancing at her. She gleefully started attempting to repair it. "Don't activate it until I say so." he noted pointedly to her. She nodded, not looking up from her work.

"Weapons." he pulled a few more bits out of the machine, and handed them to Owen. Most of them were bladed, but a few were technological. He took them away rather carefully.

"Life support. Wondered how that worked." he set that to one side, fully expecting the techno-geek girl to get right on it when she was done with the communications device.

"Ah, memory banks, here we go." and he started fiddling with those himself.

Gwen cautiously approached the sea-creature, "He's a bit single-minded, isn't he?" she joked. John did not react, simply continued working on the memory banks.

The sea-creature nodded, or as best as it could, given the fact it had no neck, "Understanding the enemy is the best path to victory." it informed her.

Gwen blinked, but then nodded, "You're right."

x x x

"Hello hello hello. Have you got my favourite pet up there? Tall, dark, handsome, calls himself a Captain, even though he's never actually been in the armed forces. Not to my knowledge, anyway."

The Master spun around to stare in shock at his view-screen.

"Don't bother trying caller ID, I turned it off." the man speaking was rugged and perversely cheerful, considering he must know exactly what danger he'd just put himself in, with a mischievous glint in his eyes. It was obviously the same man from the battle earlier.

"Who are you?" the Master snarled.

"I'm insulted. I thought Time Lords had good memories?"

The Doctor laughed, from behind the seething Master.

"What are you doing with my communications device?" the Master snarled.

"Um... let's see, what _am_ I doing?... oh yeah, I'm communicating with you. _Duh_."

"What do you want?"

"Your full, undivided attention. On Antarctica."

"What?!" But suddenly the communication was cut off.

The Master did attempt to trace the source, but failed.

"You really don't recognise him, do you?" the Doctor asked, still snickering.

The Master actually kicked the Doctor in the ribs, "Tell me who the hell that was!"

"I'd be more interested in Antarctica, if I were you."

The Master kicked again, then turned one of his satellites to watch the frozen continent.

Except it wasn't exactly frozen anymore. It was melting. "What the-?!"

The Doctor seemed much less surprised, but was too busy being amused at the Master's reaction to be horrified by what he guessed was causing it.

x x x

"Bases seven forty-two through seven ninety-six activated." the sea-creature declared.

"That's all of Antarctica, right?" John asked, and the creature nodded.

"I wanna see the look on what's-his-name's face when this goes down." Owen complained.

"If that happens, he sees your face too. I'm the front man, because I'm already on his kill-on-sight list, if only he'd remember who I am." John explained.

"This is ocean base one six eight, calling all bases." the leader of the sea-creatures hissed into its own comms device, "Invaders have attacked our world. During our hibernation, apes have evolved into sentient beings and attempted to stave off the attack. We have made an arrangement to share the world with the apes if the invaders can be slain. Metallic spheres, one meter diameter, armed with laser, sonic and bladed weaponry. Highly vulnerable to heat and sonic beams. Attack all such creatures, but do not cause harm to the apes."

Many calls of 'acknowledged' came through the system, and another sea-creature marked off their sources until all bases had responded.

"It begins." John said, grinning proudly.

x x x

"Southern hemisphere, converge on Antarctica, I want it wiped out completely! Before it finishes melting!" the Master yelled into his comms device.

"Good, good. Send me more target practice."

The Master spun round towards the source of the voice, and saw that the other communication system had lit up again, and the same man from before was grinning infuriatingly at him.

"What do you want?"

"Earth. Not for me, just not for you either."

The Master stared, "Who the bloody hell do you think you are?" between the intonation and the tilt of the Master's head, the Doctor considered that the Master could probably do with watching a bit less of the Family Guy DVDs.

"Oh, come on. So I wasn't a bit blond then. Have I really aged that badly?"

"I think he was too busy faking his death and running away. It's a hobby of his, you know." the Doctor called out.

"Ah, hello Doctor. Long time no see. You really have aged horribly. And by the way, ah _'Master'_-" he used air quotes and a level of sarcasm many could only dream of when he used the Master's name, "-that face really doesn't suit you."

"You're doing something very dangerous, you know." the Doctor warned, having gotten enough insults about his appearance from the Master not to really care about them anymore.

"Enemy of my enemy." the man said with a grin.

"So they finally agreed?" the Doctor asked, distantly.

"Yep."

"Who agreed to what?!" the Master snarled.

"Oh, should I put him out of his misery?"

"If you must, but it's so amusing." the Doctor said, grinning.

"Lemme see Jack, then I'll explain."

And the screen went blank, although the signal said it was still transmitting from this end.

The Master punched some random furniture, then stormed off.

x x x

The battle for Antarctica had been going on for several minutes, and was currently going in the Silurians' favour, when a transmission came through.

"Here he is." the Master snarled, pulling Captain Jack's face in front of the camera by the hair, "Now who are you, and what do you think you are doing?!"

The Torchwood team had to stop themselves from moving into the shot to get a better view of Jack, but John just smiled, "Hey there, gorgeous."

"Since when were you on Earth?" Jack asked, in his usual charming and flirting tone.

"Long enough to cause trouble. Wanna see?"

"I'd rather help." Jack retorted.

But then a dagger came into the shot, pressed to Jack's throat. John, who had opened his mouth to make a retort quickly shut it again.

"Tell me who you are and what you are doing. _Now_." the Master ordered.

"I'm Captain John Hart. I'm a former Time Agent, and I'm doing my best to screw you over."

"Thank you." the Master said cheerfully, "So cooperative, polite even. Here's your reward." and the dagger was plunged right into Jack's neck, splattering blood all over the view-screen as the now dead Captain's face slid down it.

Through the bloodstained image, the Master's face came back into view, "Now why don't you just bugger off away from _my_ planet before I find and kill you too, Captain Hart."

John stared at the screen for several seconds, before turning the communication off without a word.

"It'll be ok. Jack-" But John did not let Gwen finish her statement. He silenced her with a wave of his hand that swatted close enough to her face to startle her into stopping talking without actually hitting her.

He stepped up onto a crate to be seen above the crowd, and raised his arms, like a true leader giving his orders to his troops. When he spoke, his tone was one to whom a declaration of total war had been thrown, and he would not turn it down.

"It's time to wake up the entire planet."

x x x

"Silurians." the Master declared, sounding triumphant.

"Took you long enough." the Doctor said a bit too brightly.

"Oh, shut up."

"Make me."

The Master merely glared at this. Both of them knew that he didn't want to cause any permanent physical harm to the Doctor, so the more effective methods of silencing him that came to mind- cutting out his tongue, or his vocal chords, or a double lobotomy- were out of the question. Then of course, there was the option of gagging him, but they both knew what Captain Jack would say about that, and that seemed to convince the Master that it wasn't just worth the trouble.

Instead, the Master focused his attention on one of the many command terminals on the bridge. He found whatever he was looking for within minutes, and cackled with maniacal glee, "So much for the resistance!" he crowed, pressing a big red button. The Doctor couldn't help but appreciate the button, it was always essential to have a big red button involved in one's plans, evil or otherwise. Still, he knew it couldn't have a good result here.

Sure enough, the screen lit up, notifying them of explosions all over the planet. From this distance, the Doctor could not make out exactly what the writing said, but he could guess that the Master had sent a signal to the Silurian bases, probably causing them to self-destruct.

Yes, definitely causing them to self-destruct.

As the Master so aptly worded it, so much for the resistance.

x x x

"How do you kill a Time Lord? This is Torchwood, you must have some information." John said, sitting back in his chair, watching the others carefully.

"Why would you want to kill a Time Lord?" Tosh asked, confused.

"Because that's what this _'Master'_ guy is." he answered rather calmly. Too calmly, given the failure of their resistance.

Tosh shrugged, and began looking up files on her laptop. She didn't have access to the main systems, but she had plenty of info saved on here from Torchwood's main database, anyway.

"What are you going to do?" Gwen asked, warily.

"Get caught." John said, coldly, "Kill the bastard."

"Fun." Owen said blithely, "Can I come too?"

"No. You lot need to get back to Cardiff. What you were doing before I strolled in is more important for the world than my personal vendetta."

"I've got it!" Tosh declared.

x x x

The Master was smugly waiting on the bridge of the Valiant as the new prisoner was dragged before him, "That was quite a stunt you pulled, Captain Hart." he noted.

John grinned unrepentantly up at his captor, "Sure was fun. How many of your pets did I get?"

"Twenty-four thousand seven hundred and eighteen." the Master answered coldly.

"Awww, I was hoping for a better ratio. You slaughtered five million Silurians. In their sleep. I hope you're very happy about that." John spat coldly.

"Ecstatic."

John rolled his eyes, and it was now that he noticed the Doctor, chained up in front of a dog house. "Oh, now that's twisted." he muttered, "And this statement is brought to you by the man who sexually intimidated Captain Jack Harkness."

"Intimidated is_ not_ the right word. You're just a sadist, John."

John's head whipped around to see Jack, chained to a chair in a corner, where he would have been well out of sight if he hadn't spoken.

"But you're dead. I saw him kill you." John said quietly.

"Happens a lot." Jack said, shrugging.

"What, you not dying, or him killing you?"

"Both."

"Too bad the me outside the fractal won't remember that."

"I'll remember that you said that." Jack said coldly, smirking. "Why would you want to kill me if you declared war in my name?"

"You're mine." John said, grinning.

"In your dreams."

"Yes, that too."

Their little reunion was interrupted by the Doctor clearing his throat loudly. The Master actually turned to glare at the Doctor for this, "Hey, I was just about to order popcorn!" he snapped, "Bad dog."

The Doctor rolled his eyes, and for the one hundred and seventh time the Master wondered why he always smirked at that insult, instead of just sitting there and glaring like he did for everything else the Master had to say.

"And you." the Master said, turning on John, "Time to die."

"Don't I get a last request or something?" John asked hopefully.

The Master rolled his eyes, "Depends what it is."

"One last kiss."

"Sure." and he waved dismissively in Jack's direction, but John did not move.

"Not him. You."

Everyone in the room stared at this statement, dumbstruck.

The Master, after several seconds of shocked silence, raised an eyebrow, "Never had that one before. Lots of people begging for a last dose of their favourite slow-acting liquid of inhalant poison, a kiss or other form of intimacy from their _lover_. None of them ever asked to kiss _me_ before."

Jack and the Doctor exchanged a 'what the hell?' look, and both shrugged, before returning to watch the scene.

Both of them considered that popcorn would be appropriate now, too. For very different reasons. The Doctor thought the Master's reaction to the request would be priceless. Meanwhile, Jack thought the idea of the kiss would be worth its weight in gold, if only he had a video camera.

"I can't see a reason why not." the Master finally conceded, shrugging.

John reached into his back pocket, and took out what the label said was breath mints.

"Wait." the Master said, glaring, "What are those?"

"Does exactly what it say on the wrapper." he held the tube up for the Master to see, "You did just drag me out of a cave where I've been living off seaweed for three days." And to prove that they were harmless, he popped two into his mouth, "See."

"So considerate." The Master said sarcastically, rolling his eyes and shaking his head, before stepping down from the raised platform to stop right in front of John. "You're pushing it." he warned. But when he leaned closer to the smug Captain he did smell mint, so the odds of it being a lie were slim.

"Popcorn. And a video camera. _Please_." Jack begged, laughing.

But the Doctor was silent. He had seen through John's ruse, though he wasn't sure yet what it was for. Both Captains could see the calculating look in his eyes as he tried to figure it out. Luckily, the Master had his back to the Doctor and was paying him no attention whatsoever.

John had taken _two_ mints. Who does that? One for the scent, the other could be anything. Well, anything that could be made to fit the shape of a breath mint, anyway.

John chuckled at Jack's remark, but then he turned a half-amused expectant look on the Master. Like he was trying to tell him to make the first move. The Master looked into John's eyes as if trying to figure out the reason for the request in the first place, but when his attempt to read the Time Agent failed- not exactly unexpected, Time Agents were trained against mental interference, it was part of the job description- he very warily leaned closer, intending to make this as brief as possible.

But when their lips met, John grabbed the back of his head- serve him right for being too arrogant to chain the prisoner up properly- holding him there, and attempted to deepen the kiss.

"Wow." Jack muttered from his chair, which he considered far too distant a vantage point for entertainment like this.

Jack's educated eyes could tell that John was trying to force the Master's mouth open. Very deliberately. He wasn't wasting time enjoying it. But why?

"What's he up to?" Jack asked, looking to the rather pensive Doctor.

"I'm not sure yet." the Doctor answered. He was a bit shocked that the Master had allowed the request in the first place, really. Was it vanity? Or had he intended to tell the doomed prisoner he'd had better as the last words John would ever hear? It didn't exactly make sense. Then again, not much the Master did made perfect sense.

Finally, after the Master struggled against John's grip for several seconds, the Time Agent yelped, and fell back, blood dripping from his lower lip.

He swore, and spat out the broken mints.

The Master stood up straight, wiped the human's blood off his mouth with his sleeve, and drew his laser screwdriver, aiming it at John, threateningly. "You'd better have a good explanation. That's if you want to die quickly. I've had a lot of practice." he nodded in Jack's direction, "I could keep you in pain for months before I kill you."

John glared, "Ok, I vote for quick. One of the 'mints' was aspirin."

The Doctor and the Master had the exact same reaction, eyes widened in surprise, and both seemed to cringe at some mental image which that one simple word brought up. The Master took a few steps back from John, though he kept his weapon trained on the sneaky Time Agent.

"What's wrong with aspirin?" Jack asked, confused.

"It's poison for Time Lords." John said, grinning. He'd tried. He'd damned near succeeded. The ruse had worked, he'd just underestimated the Master's physical strength. He may have lost, but he'd gotten farther than he'd expected to. He was actually quite proud of himself.

"A particularly nasty way to go." the Doctor said quietly.

"None more deserving than this one right here." John said, grinning coldly at the Master.

"Very clever. Where did you learn about this?" the Master demanded.

"Not Earth." John said blandly. It was a lie, but he was good at lying. Sometimes he had trouble telling when he was lying himself, he was that good at it.

The Master shook his head, deciding it wasn't worth the effort of a proper interrogation, and he fired the laser at John, striking his chest and killing him instantly.

Jack looked away, trying to hide the fact that there were tears in his eyes, as he muttered very bitterly, "Your evil genius just killed mine. That's not fair."

x x x

The End.


End file.
